“We’re men! Manly men! We’re men in tights!”

The song from the movie “Robin Hood: Men In Tights” was echoing in my head this morning, and normally, such a fine nostalgic recollection of a humorous movie from my childhood would stir memories of laughter and bliss; however, today, the song hangs over my head like a bad omen from the gods. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. Yes, I think I’m going to be sick. Why?

I think I lost my testicles! They are gone, and I have no idea where they have taken off to! I guess there was only so much borderline femininity that they could take. 🙂

I’ve come to a profound realization. I’ve been demasculinzed.

Yep. It’s the sad truth. Without a World War to fight, plenty of video games to play, and women who no longer need a man to sustain their lifestyles, I’ve found myself displaced, and doing something rather girly to cheer myself up.

I’m shopping. Shopping! And enjoying it! 🙂

Where did it all go wrong? Was it all those trips on the weekend bonding with my mom at the mall? Was it the messages I was bombarded with by clever marketers displaying the stylish outfits of celebrities and the sexiest man alive rankings?

“I can do it. I know I can!”, I told myself as I gazed into Brad Pitt’s gorgeous eyes.

It all started there. I chased material possessions and acquired outfits. Style. Trends. All to get women to like me. Ironically, I instead was becoming the woman, and my demasculinzation progressed to far worse stages.

I got a facial! A damn facial! I’ve just hit stage 3. It can get worse, but if it does, I know the doctors won’t be able to save me.

I knew I had reached an all knew low past even my wildest fantastical projections when I found myself wearing tights this morning. That’s when the song from “Men In Tights” started playing in my head. 🙂

Maybe I’ll go home and put some jeans on and throw this godforsaken sugary Iced Chai Tea Latte out of my hand and storm out of Starbucks as fast as possible. And as “manly” as possible.

Ok. I’m home now. Time to put on the jeans. Uh oh. Just one problem. They are skinny jeans. Let me look for another pair. S**t! They are all skinny! I think I’m having a meltdown. Someone please lend me a pair of balls.

Hairless please. 🙂 Lol